Put simply, one of the main reasons you’re not letting go of a past relationship is because you’re lonely right now, said Erika Ettin, a relationship coach and founder of A Little Nudge.”Rather than pining over someone who wasn’t right for you, focus on yourself,” she said. “Get back into hobbies you used to do, treat yourself to something that makes you happy, and get back in touch with friends who you haven’t seen in a while. It’s much better to be single than to be with the wrong person.
2. You see their social media.
Delete, unfriend, and block.Immediately after a break up, you’re likely to still be connected to each other on social media. Ettin said this isn’t a good idea.”Unblock, unfriend, un-everything,” she said. “In this case, ignorance is bliss. Online stalking can get out of hand. Don’t do it.”In time, you may be able to be friends. But don’t try to rush it. If you’re meant to be in each other’s lives, it will happen naturally. So don’t worry about burning bridges — look after yourself first.
3. You only remember the good times.
It wasn’t all amazing.In the midst of a break up, you’re likely to only focus on the good times you and your ex had.”Relationships are complicated, and sometimes when we’re sad, we want to forget about all of the issues and see the relationship through rose-colored glasses,” Ettin said. “Assuming you broke up for valid reasons, it won’t help to dwell on the good that was there.”
4. You haven’t learned to let go.
It takes time. Niels Eek, a physiologist and cofounder of the mental wellbeing and personal development app Remente, said learning to let go is one of the most important steps to take in order to relieve yourself of a relationship, especially if it was toxic.”You must accept that everyone makes mistakes and that these are now in the past,” he said. “Think instead about what you can take away from the situation. While it may be difficult at first, the more you practice compassion and understanding, the easier this process will become.”
5. You’re afraid of being alone.
You’ll be fine.Many people are scared of ever being alone, Eek said, which makes your attachment to a previous relationship even stronger.” A study found that individuals who don’t like to be single, think with far greater intensity about their ex-partner than people who are better at handling being one their own,” he said.
6. You didn’t get closure.
It won’t help you. People can obsess over their exes for various reasons, Eek said, including the fact you’re unlikely to ever get closure. This can give people “an inability to understand a situation, and the feeling of helplessness in not having any power to change it,” he said.The truth is, when someone hurts you, you’re not going to like any of the reasons why it happened. So racking your mind for explanations isn’t going to help you in the long run. It’s best to try and let it go.
7. You’re grieving the potential that was in that relationship.
It wasn’t real.Shannon Thomas, a licensed therapist and author, said people often grieve the potential that was in their past relationships.
“The unmet hopes we had for what could maybe have developed with that person,” she said. “All the plans we had together that never went anywhere. Our daydreams are fueled by the lingering thoughts of ‘if only…’ This takes place even if we are not consciously aware but the thoughts creep into our subconscious level.”
8. Your ex feels familiar.
Comfort and familiarity are different. Being familiar and being comfortable in a relationship are two different things. If something feels familiar, it means you’ve probably been through a similar situation before, whereas feeling comfortable with someone means being able to be yourself without fearing repercussions for your views, opinions, or feelings.Breaking up with someone who is familiar is hard because you don’t only have a bond to them, but to all the other people who were like them who came before.
9. You’re still in contact.
Remove them. Finally, you might be struggling to move on because you’re still in contact with your ex. This is a particularly bad idea if you’re trying to move on from a relationship that was abusive.”You’re in contact… too much,” Neo said. “Besides trauma bonding, where you only feel alive when abused, your toxic ex may be contacting you too much and destabilising you. With that, it is impossible to have a sense of closure. Other forms of contact may include obsessing over their lives via friends or social media.”
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